The Untitled Blog Post

“What makes pain so hard is not knowing the “why?” Mike Glenn (Brentwood Baptist Church)

This quote is very true, but then again *everything* in life is “hard” when you don’t know the “why”. I will begin this blog by letting you know ahead of time; my mind has been ALL over the place today. I have found myself stopping in the middle of sentences and starting a completely different subject matter…Several times.

I have certainly FELT all over the map lately and a lot of that stems from not feeling settled inwardly. The past year has brough avalanche-heart-stopping-then-forgetting-2-start-beating-again-then-u-laugh-then-u-cry-what-in-the-world(???) moments almost non-stop. I can certainly understand why I am all over the place – but as someone who is very “type A-doesn’t-like-to-even-NEED-a-plan-B-always-got-it-covered-think-ahead-of-the-curve” person, NOT feeling settled is very, well, unsettling.

I have been writing a lot, journaling a lot, reading in-depth books about deep topics and just thinking. A LOT. I question (ponder, is more accurate, I guess. I try not to question God very often. His plans are ALWAYS WAY cooler than mine) all the time, what my sense of purpose is and why my life is the way it is? I mean, am I really impacting people’s lives? Changing them in a way no one else could? If not, what in the world am I doing? I’m going to attempt to break down my “thoughts” into categories, to help the blog make a little more sense. 

LIFE/HARD TIMES I discovered this quote recently and LOVED it. I’ll share it w/you: “There is a point when the music ends. The trick is to have someplace to go when it does. Not to sink back into the hole in which the music found you, where it lifted you. The trick is to go someplace that belongs to you, that was the perfect medicine for what you needed.” (Elizabeth Edwards)

Someone recently asked me about a major news story that was breaking and were surprised when I knew nothing of it. I replied “I don’t watch the news, there is nothing but more bad news everyday”. Even though those words are true, I’m reminded daily of a God who is stronger and more powerful than anything happening in our world; nationally, internationally or personally. There is a verse I love that simply says, “Nothing is impossible with God”, and another that says “Nothing shall separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus”. I’m trying to “live” in the moment and not think about what might have been, or what will be tomorrow…I want to enjoy each moment I’m given. After all, tomorrow, today’s moments will be gone. 

GOD  “If you don’t live it, you don’t believe it” (Mike Glenn, Pastor Brentwood Baptist Church) “The Most Amazing Conversation, most amazing transformation, as the God of all creation talks to me”. “I can only hear Him speak, when I am silent. Silence is prayer too!” ~Pastor Mike Glen

This is SO true! I’ve been really struggling with letting God control my life and not trying to take care of everything myself. Things have been happening lately that I seem to think I can change and make better in a much more efficient way than God can, and He is slowly breaking me down. I’m realizing each day – our time is not the same as God’s, but His timing is ALWAYS the best. He knows ALL of our troubles, heartaches, and He promises never to leave or forsake us. IF ONLY we let Him. When we think we’ve got it all figured out – we don’t. We must STOP TALKING and LISTEN to God. He always speaks in the quiet. He’s not going to scream over us. We can hear his whispering. IF ONLY we’ll let Him talk. I love this verse. Jeremiah 29:11; “I have a plan, and a purpose for you…It’s a purpose not to harm you, but to give you a hope and a future”. What comforting words! As I thought on all of these words recently, I said “God, how wonderful a realization to know you are running a whole universe and yet you stop and listen when I pray. I am just one person and yet you hear everything in my heart, even the things I don’t verbally say.” 

I’ll end this post with 2 quotes. The first sums up a lot of what I’m feeling right now…about EVERY thing in life. Then, the last quote sums up how I feel about my all-powerful-unchangeable-magnificent Saviour. “It’s hard to wait around for something you know may never happen, but it’s even harder when you know it’s everything you want” “Finding God is like…if it’s happened to you, you know what it feels like. But try to describe it to someone else and language only takes you so far.”~ Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult