I am writing with a heart overflowing with thanksgiving. To say the past few weeks have been a mess would be an understatement. You know how sometimes you feel stretched, pulled, needed, wanted, forgotten, appreciated, unappreciated, frustrated, happy, sad…..ALL AT THE SAME TIME?! Please don’t make me feel I am the only one who deals with this. It would make me feel MUCH better if you’d all just raise your hands and say “ME”, “ME”, “ME” right now. I’m waiting…
On the other hand, men tend to only have themselves to think about. They normally aren’t the primary care giver of children, they normally aren’t the ones who run the household, cook dinner each night, do the laundry, pay the bills, clean the house, run errands, take/pick up the kids from school, wipe their noses when they are sick, or kiss the boo-boos that seem to be never ending. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely wonderful fathers who are very active and prominent in their kid’s everyday lives, but moms/wives are usually the ones who “run the machine” called life. A typical day for most men is get up, get ready for work, go to work (I am not diminishing the importance of their work, at ALL!), come home – end of story. Again, I know there are definitely exceptions to every rule, but this is just a general scenario. Men don’t normally have as much to balance as women. They also don’t have the out-of-sorts emotions to deal with, while trying to maintain normalcy for everyone in the family.
Anyway, for those who are still reading, what I am trying to convey is life can catch up with you while you are trying to keep up that 90mph pace that is considered “normal”. When it smacks you in the face, it can sting. This is where I found myself this past week. After many days of internally going bananas, and having no idea WHY I was so weird and out of tune, I finally went to the Place I should have gone when everything first began to unravel – at the feet of my Father. Isn’t that how life often goes, for us all? We try and try to figure out the best course of action on our own, all while Christ stands in front of us holding the “instruction manual”. He isn’t going to force us on our knees, but He will allow us to fall apart so we have nowhere to look but UP. A few days ago, I found myself with my head bowed, in embarrassment as well as brokenness, crying out for help from the only One who can truly help us get better, no matter what the “sickness” is. I finally had given up trying to fix all that was wrong, on my own.
I am incredibly thankful for a Savior who loves us enough to come to where we are, but also who loves us too much to leave us there. He will meet us wherever we are – whether we have spent our entire lives in church, or never cracked open a Bible – and walks beside us. He forgives us of EVERY shortcoming, EVERY failure, EVERY mistake, EVERY harsh word spoken, EVERY person we have hurt, and unlike a lot of us, He NEVER brings up our past mistakes, again. Even when I solemnly ask “Who am I”? I am so thankful that Jesus never forgets my name, and ALWAYS loves me unconditionally.
The past few days have been better, and I have felt happier and more myself, than I have in a while. Thank goodness! My dog was about to pack up and head for “mimi’s” pretty soon! =)