A big ole slice of “humble pie”
isn’t always what one would prefer.
But before I go there, let me back up.
Even though it’s hard to believe, or EVER imagine,
I have made mistakes.
Yes, I know.
I get testy, irritable, HANGRY, tired, and maybe a couple other things
very occasionally. (jk it happens a lot)
Thankfully, with age comes maturity,
and a whole list of other things,
like grey hair and wrinkles.
I have a few more of those
A friend told me preparing for my wedding (back in 2019)
would change my friendships.
Literally, those were her exact words.
I thought she was crazy and I told her no way.
For those of you already married, if you can’t relate, congratulations!
For those of you NOT married, consider this a warning.
Let me explain…
I got engaged on December 30, 2017
but we chose to wait a while before
even beginning to make plans.
When I DID begin the planning process, it was a LOT.
We set the date and celebrated at dinner
that night with a few of our closest “couple” friends
and we shared our excitement, initial thoughts about a few things,
and asked for suggestions, advice, and so forth.
That’s when one friend said to be warned,
that a few of her friendships changed
over the course of her engagement and wedding.
I skipped along my merry way…
A few months later, I said “Yes to the dress”,
we did a cake tasting, chose the flavors,
reserved the church,
photographer and so much more.
Let me reiterate, we chose to do “our day” OUR WAY.
After all, we were the ones getting married. =)
We completely understood and realized
not everyone agreed with our choices.
That’s totally ok.
However, there were also friends
I never considered NOT being there,
who said they would not be, for a host of various reasons.
It’s brought me a long way in the course of understanding,
realizing I can’t (and shouldn’t try to) change others
and accepting that people’s choices are theirs to make.
Still, it hurts to think people YOU made a priority,
don’t also make you one.
May I say something, off subject? But, sort of, ON subject?
Let’s all take a moment and carve out time each day to respond to people.
There were NUMEROUS people
I asked specific questions of,
requested help from,
asked for planning suggestions,
who went days,
and even weeks
without responding to a text,
returning a call or an email.
Now, I know we are ALL busy.
I get that.
I know you are looking at your phone.😉
Again, grace…we all need it.
This isn’t coming from a place of anger or resentment.
(nor was I “mad” back then when it happened. Let down and hurt was more accurate)
But like I said in the beginning of this blog…
Its not always what it’s cracked up to be.
But sometimes it is what we need to eat.
I try to live by the golden rule,
and even if you aren’t religious,
it’s a good thing to think on.
TREAT OTHERS LIKE YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.
I want someone to respond to me, so
I try and take a minute to respond to them, too.
At the least,
I type out a quick text that says
“I’m tied up right now. Will get back to you ASAP”
so they feel heard or seen.
I realize a lot of this probably sounds super petty.
I am sharing because, thankfully I am not that girl I was back then.
Nor am I the person I hope to be five years from now.
With age come maturity and I am thankful for
every single day of maturity I have had because
I am ALWAYS learning lessons and growing.
and it’s something I’ve learned in the 3 years since that day,
and through therapy I’ve done,
I’ve realized the ridiculously high expectations I have for myself,
sadly and too often carries over to other people.
I find myself putting the same expectations I have for myself,
on the people I am around.
Which is TOTALLY unfair –
especially considering I do not and have not shared these expectations with these people!
They are just walking around living their lives and here I sit,
silently fuming, or crying, or asking myself why they don’t “like me”
when they haven’t given a single thought to what I assumed they should be thinking about!!
Another thing I’ve learned is that it’s ok (and normal)
to have disagreements with your fiancé (now husband).
We have had amazing, top of the mountain,
crazy in love with each other days,
and we’ve had days we didn’t want to look at each other.
We have had days full of laughter,
joy, smiles and in depth conversations,
and we’ve had days where we both said
“I really don’t want to be around you right now”.
(I know, CRAZY hard to believe someone
wouldn’t want to be around ME haha!)
We have learned to disagree nicely,
speak lovingly even when it’s hard,
to accept each other’s flaws, and shortcomings,
because we BOTH have them.
We have also learned you can’t trust everyone you think you can.
I have a hard time with female friendships.
I don’t have many girlfriends,
and especially those that I open up to and trust with much.
When I DO find someone I trust,
I expect and believe
what is shared between us stays between us.
I have learned that’s not always the case, with others.
May I just stop and say something?
When someone confides in you, take it to the bank.
Don’t give them ANY reason to think they can’t open up to you in the future.
Don’t give them reason to hurt, doubt, or stop trusting you.
This goes for men, women, boys, girls.
This goes for family, friends, and anyone who comes to you in confidence.
I also want to share something
without going into specifics or embarrassing the people this happened with…
I had to eat a HUGE slice of humble pie…
I wasn’t feeling the best,
had a hard day with my (at the time) fiance (now husband),
and was worn out in every sense of the word.
Not to make excuses, but just to set the tone.
We ALL have bad days.
But, I vented about a frustration with a friend to another friend
and they both happened to be together
and my text was seen by both parties.
This resulted in a big ole slice of humble pie,
eaten by yours truly.
I apologized, profusely.
We had a good and honest conversation.
Thankfully, I have some wonderful friends.
This person was understandably hurt but graciously forgave me
and our relationship is in tact,
and probably even a little stronger and better than before.
But it was a lesson that sometimes we all
have to learn sometimes.
If someone has wronged you, approach them in love.
Ask to discuss and share openly your hurts, thoughts, etc.
Just remember we all have bad days.
I know I sure do.
And I’m pretty sure you do, too.
If I have ever wronged you, please let me know.
Please know it was never done intentionally.
Let’s all try to avoid having to eat Humble Pie today,
and instead love intentionally.
Embrace others who are different.
I’m so grateful for everyone who actually takes the time to read this blog.