Never Ending Sigh (AKA: Waiting)

Sighs can be annoying, when the person receiving the sigh doesn’t know the reason behind it. 

Sighing can signal frustration, annoyance, anger, and so on. 

Sighs can also be relief from a long day. 
Sitting down to a steaming hot cup of coffee can elicit a sigh.
 Relishing acceptance from a stranger can bring on a sigh. 
Having a person you love just simply put their arms around you after a rough way.
 That can bring the best of sighs. 

Life is just one never ending sigh.
Many are beautiful, many are sad. 
But sigh, we continue to do…

Seeing a blank canvas, nothing but a blank “entry”,
 awaiting my deepest thoughts, is a bit scary. 
When first starting a blog, it was only a way to keep family and friends up to date on my dad’s sickness. 

Through the 4 months we watched him attack cancer with everything he had, 
we all took turns sharing. We wrote about his chemo, radiation, and seemingly endless doctor’s visits. 
It was never supposed to be anything more. 
But, it became SO much more.

Now, almost 12 years later,  I still feel a draw to this blank page. 
To the “post” page, where this blank canvas awaits, and is perfectly accepting of anything I choose to share, and write. 
This blank page brings about a sigh.
It draws me in like a stream in the middle of the desert, on a hot day. 
 It is the place of comfort I come when I need to sigh.  To stop. To feel. 

Truthfully, people may not care, may not read these posts entirely through, 
or may have already formed their own thoughts and opinions BEFORE reading. 

This blog can, and has, led to a lot of presumptuous thoughts, and wrong assumptions, a lot of the time. 
Still, so much lies deep inside me, fighting to be freed, shared, explained
 – or maybe NOT explained. 
Perhaps this is why some blog posts flow fluently, with such rhyme and rhythm, that you can almost hear my thoughts. 
Other blog posts are so scrambled with various trails of my thoughts, there doesn’t seem to be a perfect beginning, OR end. 
Isn’t that life, though? 

Occasionally, a circumstance will be so eloquent that we leave with complete and utter understanding of exactly what took place. 
Other times, and let’s be truthful – it’s MOST of the time, we don’t understand even a fragment of life. 

Some who choose to read this, will maintain open minds, with a true DESIRE to know MY truth, whether they agree or not, and there will be others who refuse to accept my truth… 
Which, let me remind you, doesn’t have to be YOUR truth. 
There are different paths, different roads, different explorations awaiting us all. 
If we all took the same path, had the exact same aspirations, thoughts, ideas, convictions, this world would be quite boring. 

Can you imagine a world of only you?
 Even the vainest of people have to understand that to have an entire world
 of people who were exact carbon copies of themselves, would be not terribly exciting.

Variety truly IS the spice of life. 
God had a brilliant plan when he created the world – 
He created DIFFERENT animals, species, life-forms, even opposite times of day; part of the day is full of light and noise, while the other half is darkness and silence.

Why, then, is it so incredibly difficult for some people to understand differences? 
Baskin Robbins created their 31 flavors for that very reason; not everyone likes Gold Medal Ribbon! (it’s ok; you can be wrong) 
People are different, and what one prefers may not be what another one appreciates.  
Some people like tall men/women, some like short. 
Some people prefer witty/humorous partners, while others better appreciate wisdom. 
Some people pour out their feelings without giving it a second thought. Others prefer to love, and feel,  privately. 
Some prefer to marry outside of their ethnicity of origin, while some prefer to stick to the same as their ancestors. 
The point is, not everything can be labeled as “right” and “wrong”.  Or “ok” and “not ok”.
Sometimes, it’s just a difference of preference.
 I, for one, would be incredibly unhappy with a passive, lethargic, close-minded individual. 
I LOVE life! 
I LOVE staying active, being socially engaged, hosting parties and get-together’s.
 However, I know people who cringe at the thought of being in a room with 50 other people, 
knowing they should interact with people they have never met. 

Neither of those things are “right and wrong”. It’s just a difference in our comfort levels.

What makes us different, makes us unique… beautiful…accepted. 

This isn’t some attempt at getting deep into politics, spiritual differences, society’s acceptance/tolerance of “norms”, etc. 
No, this is my feeble attempt at sharing about the reality of life. 
Not everyone is exactly alike. 
Not everyone, even in your own family, or close relationships will agree with everything you like, eat, do, think. And, that’s OK!    

“Small choices seem so innocent, but they will continuously lead to bigger choices, and ultimately, mistakes until we are in so deep, the choice we give ourselves, is to go out in such a blaze, no one will ever forget WE. WERE. HERE.” ~ Mike Glenn
We all make hasty decisions. 
We hurt those we love most. 
We speak in frustration, stress, pressure, and realize later, we cannot take back the words spoken.  

People will disappoint us. 
People will hurt us. 
People will confuse us. 
Such is life. 

The choice we must make, as individuals is, do we CHOOSE to keep loving, when the “fire” may be momentarily extinguished?  
Do we CHOOSE to stay, when the easy way out is – well, out?  
Do we CHOOSE to accept those we care about, flaws and all, or do we spend the entirety of our days trying desperately to change what we cannot?

Do we CHOOSE to ponder, worry, obsess even, over things of which we actually have no control? 
Do we CHOOSE to wait?
 Even for those with the MOST patience, waiting is difficult. 
There is pain, there are lessons to learn, challenges to overcome, changes that have to be made before progress can take place, and many adjustments to handle and accept. 
 Waiting comes with a negative connotation, simply because few people truly enjoy it. 
 It is viewed as labor, a task, something you want to rush through, simply because you want it to be over with, as soon as possible.
Waiting, however, is something we spend a good chunk of our life doing. 
We wait at red lights, we wait for fast food orders to be cooked and handed to us, through a tiny window at the drive thru. 
We choose the shortest line at the grocery store because we don’t want to WAIT. 
 Teenagers wait for their 15th year to hurry and pass, so they can have that coveted drivers license. 
 High school seniors sit in class, bored and eagerly counting the days until graduation – all because they can’t WAIT to get to college.  To “freedom”.

Whether waiting for positive or negative news, waiting is difficult. 
 In a world of instant gratification, instant news and information, instant texts and emails – “patience” and “waiting” are not words often seen in our personal dictionaries.
However, we often forget about the positives: Waiting often brings healing.  It brings peace, comfort, understanding, knowledge, wisdom, happiness, safety and love.
Yet, we worry. We stress ourselves out, trying to negotiate the outcome of whatever situation we are in.

This is not how God designed us.  
Psalm 18:24 (Message version) says “God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before Him. When I got my act together, He gave me a fresh start. Now I’m alert to God’s way. I don’t take God for granted. Every day I review the way he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.”
Did you catch that? ALL the pieces…God wants ALL of our pieces – not just the beautiful ones. 
Not just the ones we have shined up and ready for presentation. 
He wants the messy ones. 
He wants the pieces where we were abandoned in a relationship, where we lost our job, where our parents died, where we have substantial debt, and on and on it goes.

(It becomes more and more difficult to publish a blog post without referring, somehow, to Christ, or my relationship with Him, and I make no apologies for this)
You will never be given more than you can handle. 

Never forget this, as difficult as it can sometimes be to believe.

Stop worrying over what you cannot change.  
Life has a way of handing us many lemons, and I know we should make lemonade and such….
but one can only make so much lemonade.  
Corny, I know, but it is very true.

We handle many days with grace, and seem to be doing a good job, 
and then suddenly, something comes at us, so hard, and so out of nowhere, we are left reeling. 
God wants those moments. Those pieces. 
Sigh. It is SO hard, isn’t it, friend? 
I hope you stop and allow the sighs in life to teach.
 To help you grow. To help you love, more graciously, more openly, more fully. 
 No one wants to be alone all the time. 
Yet, some are easier to love, than others. 
Find a difficult person to love and do it well. Even if only for this moment.
 Let them sigh. Perhaps it will be a beautiful, never-ending sigh.

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